Something is happening
And things are changing. Everything is leading toward eternity - in some way. Perhaps this is the sign that I am on the right path. Or at least headed in the right direction. Clear vision. A longing for an eternal love. The need to tell people how important they are and to see healing in this place. Something is happening, things are changing.
Sometimes I have moments where I re-think my actions and what I say and in conversations and while I’m out in the sun and when I’m running from the rain… I re-think and re-analyze and come to the conclusion that I should have done something different. The perfectionist in me takes over and my observer-self is at it again… “wrong wrong wrong”, “flaw flaw flaw”. I just feel I’m not good enough and that I don’t deserve good things… I am over-priviliged and undeserving. Particular people in my life especially, are not perfect, but close enough. And I’m just making mistakes. There’s half of me telling myself that it’s all lies; I need to be level-headed and accept that the day is done and make peace with it. The other half of me is nit-picking imperfections and magnifying the darkness; just not good enough and you’ll never be what God/yourself envisions. Step by step, let’s get there! Can’t wait to talk to S again… I need my perspective to be shifted again. One day at a time! Just breathe…
how do i stop growing up this isn’t fun anymore
remember there is a spider that can spin a web thick enough to stop a train, and scientists have figured out how to record our dreams so we can re watch them. u probably have a couple of mongolian war lord atoms in u and a hummingbird can recall every single flower it has visited. there is so much to know and find out if we keep on living. u can do it friends :)
decisions and many sighs
if worse came to worst i would love to rent a house/unit alone. though i’d much prefer not to rent (because rent money is dead money), i may end up not having an option.