LIKE, I HAVE A PROBLEM. IMPULSE, IMPULSE, IMPULSE!!!!!! OK. Lesson learned. If I never want to feel this way again, I must not online shop excessively. I must also only ever get (AT LEAST!!!!) C - but preferably higher in all my upcoming assignments during these holidays. I haven’t earned my right to shop! Work first. I feel incredibly stupid. Sobrang gago ako (does that phrase make sense? I DON’T KNOW!!!!) frustration mounts… to be continued… .. …
You re-traced my steps and re-wrote my past. I’ve realised that not everyone is the same. And where someone gave me bruises, you gave me trust. Choice. Where there was force, you only showed patience. Gentleness. Where there were months of rushing, there were days of freedom, nerves and light conversations. And of course, snippets of painful memories. Where there had been impatience, you replaced with the simplicity of taking things slow. For all the moments that belonged to us, and for all the drama in-between, I am thankful you were part of it all. Thank you for stopping by a while.. :)
I had (have) trust issues and I still trusted you. I think of you more often than I should, considering the time that has passed. And I know people laugh at me and whisper behind my back. Background noise. I have started to learn the difference between wisdom and authenticity. Good judge of character has never been my strength, but that’s why these things happen. You live and you learn.
Sometimes I get tired of being responsible and of doing things alone. I want someone to drive me around for once. To help me with dinner. To check on me. To be strong when I’m weak, because, like moments such as these.. I’m tearing apart at the seams and I could fall on my knees. I’m so tired. There is so much brokenness and my hands are too small to handle it.. let alone my own flaws.
Regrettably, your season has passed. My world has turned a light shade of grey and I’ve missed you. Nonetheless, thank you for stopping by.
Mum keeps making jokes about me having children soon because she wants grandbabies (while she’s still able to run around…) and she keeps mentioning certain family-friends of ours who are single… I shrug every conversation off. You’re always on my mind. I think of starting over and it makes no sense. I wouldn’t feel guilty if I did, I just feel like I should hold my standards higher. I learned from you that I shouldn’t let anyone in who isn’t worth my time. All I see is you. I know when the time comes, I’m going to invest my heart and soul. I expect the same from the person who stands by my side.
Nearly everytime I see her, my mum makes jokes or alludes to grandchildren and “hooking me up” with some single guy she deems worthy of my time. I think she’s half-serious about it… considering how frequently she brings it up hahahah. Buuuut that won’t happen anytime soon. Ain’t nobody ready ro settle down and have kids. Ain’t nobody gonna take anything away from me this time. I’m going to treasure what I have: independence, education in progress and my own desires to do things before I give up this life of singleness. Yes!