my emotional stability right now
I just cried of happiness for a reason not too significant to get antsy about .. yet here I am. I’m so happy despite everything that’s going on. And I am yet again, reminded that God has blessed me sooo much with this one encounter that seems to sustain my heart and soul in such a strange, yet beautiful way. There’s so much to learn. There are so many things my hands are being pried open to let go. God is telling me, “See? You can trust Me. I want to make you new! I want to make you new!”
Time to change
you never ask if I’m okay and I’m not the type to ever reach out.
Something is happening
And things are changing. Everything is leading toward eternity - in some way. Perhaps this is the sign that I am on the right path. Or at least headed in the right direction. Clear vision. A longing for an eternal love. The need to tell people how important they are and to see healing in this place. Something is happening, things are changing.
Sometimes I have moments where I re-think my actions and what I say and in conversations and while I’m out in the sun and when I’m running from the rain… I re-think and re-analyze and come to the conclusion that I should have done something different. The perfectionist in me takes over and my observer-self is at it again… “wrong wrong wrong”, “flaw flaw flaw”. I just feel I’m not good enough and that I don’t deserve good things… I am over-priviliged and undeserving. Particular people in my life especially, are not perfect, but close enough. And I’m just making mistakes. There’s half of me telling myself that it’s all lies; I need to be level-headed and accept that the day is done and make peace with it. The other half of me is nit-picking imperfections and magnifying the darkness; just not good enough and you’ll never be what God/yourself envisions. Step by step, let’s get there! Can’t wait to talk to S again… I need my perspective to be shifted again. One day at a time! Just breathe…
how do i stop growing up this isn’t fun anymore